8:32am, September 5th I opened my eyes, examined the room and looked back on the events of the weekend, turned over to my girlfriend who I know was awake and uttered the words, “I don’t think I’m running the marathon this year.”
She looked at me and asked, “how did you come to this decision?”
Please keep in mind this decision wasn’t easy to make, I’ve thought about it over and over again, countless times about what I can do, how can I still run and I had no solution. When I realized I had no solution, I took to my girlfriend and we talked about this for weeks before this decision was made. No matter what, I know she would still support me.
“Running the media mile on Saturday (9/3/16) opened my eyes to how prepared for the marathon I was, and that wasn’t a good indicator.” I replied.
As I kept talking to her, a lot of thoughts came to me, a lot of questions had been answered. I wasn’t in ANY type of shape to run 26.2 miles with only two months left to the marathon, I tried running 12 miles a few weeks back and only got through four of them, my situation in June tied me down and I completely didn’t regain my life back after that, my legs were still very sore after running a mile, and so on. There were countless reasons and some could say excuses as to why I couldn’t and didn’t want to run this marathon but the biggest one stuck out to me.
I simply just wasn’t ready…
I wasn’t ready to completely train for that distance again, I wasn’t ready to put my body and mind into a place where I needed to do a long run every weekend and do smaller runs during the week, I wasn’t ready to change my habits of eating and working out when I just went through a life change. I wasn’t ready for any of that.
Trying to run without training was also a cause for injury and I didn’t want my first marathon to be marred with “the time I got injured because I didn’t train properly.” If I was going to run this marathon, it would be a place where I was 100% ready and confident that I can pull it off and also at a place where I was going to enjoy myself running and I knew I was in no condition to do that.
I cried after I uttered that sentence, it was so hard for me to say, to hard for me to believe. I spent the year before qualifying and making sure I had my spot for the marathon. I also got into the marathon via race free which was a blessing and a load off my shoulders, so not running made it seemed like everything I was did was a total and complete waste of what I previously accomplished.
So where does that leave me now? With exactly a month to the marathon to go, I have canceled my entry and I am now focused on me, building myself up to a place where I am confident in my abilities to succeed. I am focused on growing my business and moving. I’m focused on becoming a stronger version of myself both physically and mentally and getting back into the activities and hobbies that I loved.
I am not giving up running, I am only want to prefect it as much as I can so I can be fully ready to run the marathon again when the time is right. Until then, this is the decision I have to live with.
Until next time beauties.